A: An emerald, a screwdriver, and Chuck Barris. The Question: What is the new slogan at Taco Bell? Sunday, 16 December 2018. Q: What does an alligator get on welfare? The Answer: A Baptist preacher and a College football coach. . -- -------------------------------------------------------------"they forcibly extracted the word 'but' from his vocabulary, and locked him in a room with 10 economists"-------------------------------------------------------------. , The Question: Name a mule, a donkey, and a jackass. Q: Who was just arrested for impersonating a baseball team? A: Head and shoulders. The Question: What instructions do you get when your proctologist used to be a photographer? And on this particular night, Carson performed his "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch. Q: What's good advice to give a Japanese tailor? "You Light Up My Life.". A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G. proctologist. The Question: What is the name of Trumps new Vodka? Description. Q: Name three movements. A: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday. . nowadays. No more years! "Some sad news from Australia.the inventor of the boomerang grenadedied today. The Johnny Carson Show. Carnac the Magnificent was a role played by Johnny Carson on "The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson", and later continued on Late Show with David Letterman, occasionally by Paul Shaffer.One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a psychic with a large, elaborate turban and a plethora of envelopes, all of which (according to Ed McMahon) were "hermetically . Imgflip Pro Basic removes all ads. MORE OF THE BEST OF CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT. The Question: What is the sure fire way to get rich beyond your wildest dreams without doing a thing. The character would emerge from behind the show's curtain accompanied by Indian music, and make his way towards the desk, where he would invariably stumble on the step in front of the desk and lose his balance. A: Jello and "Charlie's Angels." However, it was his allusion to the old college cheer that gained him the loudest and longest laugh of the night. Q: Name the only three things you can afford to eat A: Never on Sunday. Then, he would read the question: What does an alligator get on welfare? Some of the jokes were feeble, and McMahon used pauses after terrible puns and audience groans to make light of Carsons lack of comic success (Carnac must be used to quiet surroundings), prompting Carson to return an equal insult. If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember "Carnac the Magnificent", a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Contents Q: What do you need after Hamburger Helper? Eds Intro: Ladies (if any) and gentlemen. BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. Or fastest delivery Mon, Mar 6 . (Was Sexy and I Know It), The Question: Name the one place more dangerous than Kabul, Afghanistan. Tenor.com has been translated based on your browser's language setting. car industry. A: 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea. On Johnny Carsons second to last show, triple threat Bette Midler sang a few songs to commemorate Carsons departure from television. The Answer: Under Willie Brown and through Joe Bidens colon. contest. Q: What does the Jolly Green Giant use to hitchike with? Q: Name the father of Mrs. Olsen's illegitamate baby. Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be? The Question: My grandpaw walked five miles a day when he was 60. A: Black and white and twenty feet tall. Line: 24 Q: Name a Chinese diet doctor. Mary Worth: "Let me do a Carnac the Magnificent here in P-2. Q: What was the final score of the Jaws-Capricorn game? Q: How do you introduce your cat to a weeping willow? dee? Q: Name a Kristofferson. CARNAC: May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your Q: Describe the Nixon income tax deductions. night? A: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign "carnac the magnificent" Memes & GIFs. Carnac the Magnificent was a comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The best alternative is Screenkey, which is both free and Open Source.Other great apps like Carnac are Key'n'Stroke , KeyCastr, KeyPress OSD and Mousepos. During his tenure, the late-night funny man interviewed everyone from President John F. Kennedy to Muhammad Ali. Q: What do you call tiny little dumps? Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. A: Zippo Marx. The Answer: Kids, drunk people and tight yoga pants. Margaret's door? Murine? Our users have written 2 comments and reviews about Carnac, and it has gotten 25 likes. A: "I never promised you a rose garden." Price starting at $87.97 for basic 5,000 sq. Q: What do you call getting slapped around by a German king? Only Johnny Carson could make the commercialization of Shakespeare funny. "A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G.Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H?A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo.Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be?A: Zippo Marx.Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your Zippo?A: Touchback.Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo.Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Kitchy Kitchy?A: Big Ben, Joe Namath and a candidate's campaign promises.Q: What is a clock, a jock and a crock.Answer: Sis Boom BahQuestion: What sound does a sheep make when it explodes?Name what offence someone should automatically get the death sentence:Johnny: Whoever told squirrels they were good at crossing the road!Ed: Yassir ArafatJohnny: Yassir Arafat(envelope opening)Johnny: What's the sound made when Dolly Parton removes her bra?Johnny: "It was so cold outside"Audience: "How cold was it? Of course, Carson touched on those two particular topics during his routine. A: Rosy red cheeks. A: Gunga din. Related Topics. A: Ransack. A: A mule, a horse, Billy Carter. A: Madame Kitty. [1] ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. CARNAC: May you be forced to visit a near-sighted parents. A: "Leave it to Beaver." Q: What did the dead raccoon say in his will? The Question: Name three things that always tell the truth. The curse concept was created by "Tonight Show" head writer and Woody Allen collaborator Marshall Brickman. Next Johnny will retaliate with a "Comedic Curse" such as: "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts" or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister" or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. Q: Name two countries and a luncheon special at the NBC The Answer: Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. James Kildaire, Dr. Doogie Howser, Dr. Marcus Welby, Granny Moses (Beverly Hills) and Dr. Anthony Fauci. They've been kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnalls' porch since noon today. you? violence? I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. I forgot aboutyour total recall. , The Question: Whats the only way to get your spouse to listen to you? Q: Name an address Anita Bryant will never have. ", "It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God--but to create him.". Zippo? May a love -starved fruit-fly molest your sister's nectarines. The Answer: NBC, ABC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, PBS, FOX News and a Crowbar. Clarnac: (Glares at Ed) Clarnac is supposed to be the funny guy. The Question: What did comedian Richard Pryor do when his nose got too fat from snorting cocaine? , The Question: What is the name the new Disney fat stripper movie. A: A man with a mistress and a Russian Olympics judge. Q: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles? #10. On one occasion frequently rebroadcast on anniversary shows, Carson's desk was replaced with a lightweight balsa-wood version; this allowed Carson to trip and smash through it. There were skits performed such as Carnac the Magnificent, an "all-knowing seer," and the elderly Aunt Blabby. Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. I hope it makes you laugh. Q: What do you call a sadistic tailor? Its hard to divine when you cant see. Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force I added more feathers, mardi gras beads and glue on fake jewels to . A: Touch and Go. A: Ironware. Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? While Evans certainly popularized the usage of the term Minoan, its first known use in the sense of "ancient Cretan" appears to have been in 1825 by German historian and philologist Karl Hoeck. Carnac is described as 'A utility to give some insight into how you use your keyboard/' and is an app in the os & utilities category. Q: What did Sonny Bono used to be? A: Jaques Cousteau. A list of Carnac the Magnificent puns! , The Question: What do you call 435 House members and 100 Senators at the bottom of the ocean. Clarnac: Get your mind out of the gutter. The Question: Name three famous puppets. (Jews never kneel in prayer.). The Question: Name the only three people in the world making any money off going green. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. cleanup team? Q: What are two bad names for a laxative? The Question: What is Pete Buttigiegs favorite planet? A: "Follow the yellow brick road." Q: What does Billy Carter eat on a sesame-seed bun? The Answer: Sinking faster than the Titanic. . Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. Q: What do CIA agents have to remember to go to the Q: What do you see if you hold your hernia up to a mirror? A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. sister. Ed McMahon would hand Carson a series of envelopes containing questions, said to have been hermetically sealed and kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnallsporch since noon today.. A: Touchback. I have been able to obtain some really great similar brocade and will post that tonight. Q: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. grandfather. [+5] - jespah - 11/15/2011 Answer: Guns 'n Roses Question: Name two things OmSig brings with him to a first date. . Historically, 1 in 100 women died in childbirth, and at some periods that number was as high as 4 in 10 women. A: Bambi, the White House grounds and the new TV season. As Allen acknowledged in his bookThe Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogastand used onTheTom PostonShowin New York where it eventually ended up onThe Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Bob and Steve. The crowd is hostile. A: The Laughing Policeman. -- Tim Thompson414 Morton HallOhio UniversityAthens, Ohio 45701{amc1,bgsuvax,cbdkc1,cbosgd,cuuxb,osu-eddie}!oucs!tim. , The Question: What is Bill OReillys latest book in his Killing Series? , The Question: What is the oath of office for all politicians? "I've seen sex, and I think it's OK." -- Talking Heads, Either email addresses are anonymous for this group or you need the view member email addresses permission to view the original message, I'm sure you have all heard Johnny Carson do his Carnac routine. 200 views, 3 upvotes. A little hard to keep on. Q: Who's the new traffic advisor to Los Angeles? Q: What do you call a drink made with un-cola and prune Clarnac doing verbal comedy bit for the hearing impaired. Adam was cursed By the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread (see Genesis 3:19), yet today most people no longer must labor and sweat tirelessly just to eat. Q: Name the only two people who aren't sick of hearing -- Mark W FourakerGeorgia Institute of Technology, Atlanta Georgia, 30332!{akgua,allegra,amd,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo,ut-ngp}!gatech!gitpyr!grampa. Explanation of WPA. A: Putting on the dog. Q: What would you see if Orson Welles dropped his pants? The Question: Name a drink made up of 7-Up and prune juice. The comedy came from an unexpected question following a seemingly straightforward answer. A Bronze Age civilization on the island of Crete and other islands in the Aegean Sea, the Minoan civilization flourished between 2600 and 1100 BC. 40 Carnac The Magnificent Photos and Premium High Res Pictures - Getty Images Editorial Editorial FILTERS CREATIVE EDITORIAL VIDEO 40 Carnac The Magnificent Premium High Res Photos Browse 40 carnac the magnificent stock photos and images available, or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images. Question: "What does a doctor use to look at your kaleido?" Stumble It! Q: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes. Get Image May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. The Question: What do you call a cocktail made up of prune juice and Milk of Magnesia? A: The Rock of Gibralter. |================================================, Supposedly, the most colorful curse in the world (I don't know whovoted these things in) has something to do with the twenty-four testiclesof the twelve apostles, and originates in one of the Catholic countries ofSouthern Europe. May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. A: De-frost. It was named in honor of the ancient Hagia Sophia in Constantinople and played a crucial role . by BMcCJ. tooth? Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? The Question: Why do most married men die before their wives? Wilbur, Orville, and Wright. A: Beethoven's Fifth. Inning. CARNAC: May a crazed sultan force you into mouth-to-mouth station? The Question: Because she is so old, what does Nancy Pelosis breath smell like? . CARNAC: May your favorite aunt develop a crust on her hip. I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. CARNAC: May you fall asleep under a camel with post nasal Tell a friend Ask a question. stardew valley weapon tier list; mississippi state treasurer Carnac the Magnificent: [Opening envelope] What's the first thing you do when you hold up a liquor store? A: Kris Kristofferson The Answer: Three of the best years of his life. The Answer: No more years! I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest. ANSWER: Dustin Hoffman. May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. Carnac the Magnificent answers "A 100 yard dash" on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson - 1966 Johnny Carson 769K subscribers Subscribe 169K views 10 years ago Carnac's prediction: "A 100. Carnac the Magnificent was one of the most popular recurring roles that Johnny Carson played on his show in 1964. . ED: Certainly worth waiting for Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? A: Lorne Green. The Question: Name two people who always seem to be called to a place where they make a lot more money. . . Line: 315 A: "Hi diddly dee." QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare? A: A potato, Burt Reynolds and Sgt. Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his Dont break the concentration of the mystic from the East, or he will place a curse on you! A: At both ends. A: Jaws 2 and Capricorn One. A: Damnation Alley. In fact, had Bilaam been successful in his attempt to curse us, the Jewish people would have been destroyed, G-d forbid. A: Fun with Dick and Jane. Q: What is the total of Bo Derek and Phyllis Diller? (Crowd cheers) #10. A: Plumber's helper. May all your fine teeth get mad and bite off your nose.May you own a hotel with a thousand rooms and you be found dead in each one.May you have many daughters, who all marry [some sort you generically don't like]. Q: Describe the five finalists in the Miss Universe Q: What do you call dressing up as a tree? Make your own images with our Meme Generator or Animated GIF Maker. Interestingly, the Talmud in Sanhedrin 105b states that even though Bilaam;s curses were changed to blessings at that time, they all eventually reverted to curses, except for the blessing of Batei Keneses and Batei Midrash. A: "Coming home." puppies and red-eye gravy. Johnny Carson fans: Do you have a favorite "Carnac The Magnificent" joke? Carnac The Magnificent undated. The Answer: A condor, a bald eagle and a snail darter. A: Buddy Holly. 4.0 out of 5 stars Great for Carnac The Magnificent. A long running bit on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show.Carson would appear in a turban and cloak as "Carnac the Magnificent" . A: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. CARNAC: May a swarm of gay chiggers open a disco on your A: "Here's Boomer." The Answer: Become a professional politician. May the bird of paridise fly up your noseMay an elephant caress you with its toesMay your wife be plaqued with runners in her hoseMay the bird of paridise fly up your nose, Ron Williams (not Tom Nadas, but an incredible simulation)--, UUCP: {decvax,linus,ihnp4,uw-beaver,allegra,utzoo}!utcsri!tomCSNET: tom@toronto, "Look over there, a dry ice factory. A: Sir Lawrence Olivier, the Oscars and the oil shortage. A: "Oh God!" Q: What's the major cause of divorce? Q: What do you get from eating in the NBC Commissary? Q: Where is the American dollar headed? bathroom? Carnac the Magnificent, in which Carson played a psychic who clairvoyantly divined the answer to a question contained in a sealed envelope. Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page Q: How do you tell a Sha not to do something? Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/controllers/Main.php There are a couple of ideas I've had to make this and I'm not sure which one would work best - and possibly there are other . This was to some degree a variation on Steve Allen's recurring "The Question Man" sketch. Audience reaction played a major role in the skit. (Crowd cheers) #10. So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. A: Kumquat. We are now officially the living who envy the dead! Q: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off? Q: What should you answer to everything George Foreman May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. . , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? alley? , The Question: What highway would you take to get from Mendenhall to Puckett? Signed, the Honorable John V. Lindsay, Mayor, New York City." As part of that same bit, he held up a clam with a note attached that In article <10@udenva.UUCP> sho@udenva.UUCP (Mr. Blore) writes. Q: Describe Raymond Burr's undershorts. Q: Where won't you see Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor? The Answer: He unfollowed Putin on Twitter. Q: How do you get it? Q: How did Marlon Perkins explain the rash on his thigh? How about May an unclean yak sit on your dinner. Some of his one liners: "A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou." Reading the contents of the envelope: "Name three things that have yeast." . A: Henry R. Block. Q: How much time has Governor Brown spent in California Carnac the Magnificent: Three Dog Night & Mount Baldy on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show Johnny Carson 772K subscribers Subscribe 5.9K 1.1M views 11 years ago Watch Carson episodes every night on. CARNAC: May a bag of Pop Rocks explode in your shorts. , The Question: How do you say Fauci in Mandarin? Q: What noise do sheep make when they laugh? Q: What's a drink made with dry sack and prune juice? Previous. Q: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga? A: Burn the candle at both ends. Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate. No more years! Q: What instrument does a doctor use to examine your A: Grape Nuts. A: Eleven. Carnac the Magnificentwas a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carsonon The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. A: Los Angeles Dodgers. Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed and kept in a #2 size mayonnaise jar on Dr. Faucis porch since noon today. The one that had McMahon and Carson nearly rolling on the floor with sustained laughter was Sis boom bah. Carnac joke: He was holding up objects that supposedly had been fished out of the Hudson River. Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office? lizard. these envelopes, , Ed: I hold in my and the last envelop. One of the most memorable audience insults came after the Philadelphia 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the finals to win the 1983 NBA Championship, when Carnac retorted, "May Dr. J slam dunk your cat." Q: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub? The Question: Whats the difference between a dollar bill and LeBron James? doctors. says? May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. The Answer: Confused, weak, feeble, and uncertain. Carnac the Magnificent. Explore and share the best Johnny Carson Carnac GIFs and most popular animated GIFs here on GIPHY. Watch Carson episodes every night on Antenna TV at 10:00PM ET / 7:00PM PT and 4:00PM ET / 1:00AM PT!Carnac the Magnificent makes jokes about Three Dog Night and Mount Baldy on \"The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson\" in 1974.JOHNNY CARSON PLAYLISTSAnimals http://bit.ly/carson_animalsBloopers http://bit.ly/carson_bloopersCarnac http://bit.ly/carson_carnacCelebrities http://bit.ly/carson_celebritiesChristmas http://bit.ly/carson_christmasComedians http://bit.ly/carson_comediansMonologues http://bit.ly/carson_monologuesSkits http://bit.ly/carson_skitsMusic http://bit.ly/carson_musicFOLLOW JOHNNY CARSONYOUTUBE: \"Subscribe\" http://bit.ly/johnnysubYOUTUBE MAIN MENU: http://bit.ly/johnny_menuYOUTUBE PREMIUM: http://youtube.com/johnnycarsontvFACEBOOK: \"Like\" http://fb.com/johnnycarson TWITTER: http://twitter.com/#!/JohnnycarsonGOOGLE+: http://bit.ly/johnnygplusJOHNNY CARSON IS AVAILABLE ON:ITUNES http://bit.ly/johnnyitunesDVD: http://bit.ly/carsondvdsAMAZON: http://bit.ly/amzn_carsonGOOGLE PLAY: http://bit.ly/carson_gplay\"carnac on three dog night and mount baldy\" \"three dog night\" \"mount baldy\" \"johnny carson\" \"johnny carson youtube\" \"tonight show\" \"johnny carson show\" comedy \"best of johnny carson\" Carson \"johnny carson best moments\" \"the best of johnny carson\" \"johnny carson theme song\" \"best of carson\" \"the tonight show with johnny carson\" \"tonight show johnny carson\" \"tonight show band\" \"jonny carson\" \"carnac the magnificent\" \"carnac\" \"johnny carson carnac\" \"humor\" \"hilarious\" \"funniest moments\" \"video clip\" \"live tv\" . A: Mount Baldy. Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise Lucky for us, every time that Bilaam tried to curse us, G-d stepped in and made blessings come out of his mouth instead of curses. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. A: The Orient express. QUESTION: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. The Question: How did the dinosaurs become extinct? Box 4, Folder 45. . Found 50507 ratings (with comment) There are 50,507 ratings (that include a comment). A: Sissss, Boooom, Baaaaah! "What do you want to avoid doing when you shave her bocker? CARNAC: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your folks who ran "The Tonight Show" in the 70's. ", Conan O'Brien's Forehead Takes Over for Jay Leno's Chin. by ThomasFay. Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. , The Question: How did Clarnacs wife lose 240 pounds of unwanted fat? One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. , The Question: Who is the first Affirmative Action Vice President of the United States? Get Image Page 2 of 4 Q: What do you call not getting busted? Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_harry_book.php A: The diamond lane. The Question: How did Obiden sanction the Russians for invading Ukraine? At the same time, Eves curses also seem to have been reverted. A: Short eyes. The Question Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes., McMahon would always announce near the end, I hold in my hand thelastenvelope, at which the audience would applaud wildly, prompting Carnac to pronounce a comedic curse on the audience, such as May a flock of wild geese leave a deposit on your breakfast!, May your sister elope with a camel!, May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister, or the most famous: May the bird of paradise fly up your nose!. Carson Caucas 1984. "Oh, CARNAC: May a weird holy man light a Roman candle in your It is original material for the most part. Q: Name two movies and a suppository. Falling in Love Again (1980) with Susannah York, The Hollywood Knights (1980 . , The Question: Who is the biggest conservative in the Republican Party?
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